My First Wedding, a Spontaneous Affair.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009 at 02:37PM 
TC & I (check out that bouquet!)
Yesterday was my second wedding anniversary, which brought back lots and lots of memories of this day. The day before yesterday was the second anniversary of the day that TC and I eloped. On bikes. With friends who thought they were showing up for a pancake breakfast followed by a group bike ride to a nearby lake. Who we forced to dress up in powder blue tuxedos and mint green bridesmaids dresses. At 10 am.
Here is what happened. My dear friend Chris was scheduled to marry us on Saturday. On Wednesday he called me to say that he had just learned that he was not, contrary to what we all believed, legally able to marry us in Vermont. This problem seemed sort of minor compared to the issues I was dealing with on that day, being A) the recent and surprise delivery of forty metal voting boxes that had been irrevocably installed in the once spare and lovely town hall that we planned to marry in, and B) the fact that I had just spoken to my DJ on the phone and found that he was both a "monster fan" of techno and, by the sound of it, thirteen. "You are going to have to find someone to legally marry you, preferably before Saturdays ceremony." Chris told me. This, as it turned out, was my easiest problem of the day.
Luckily, a real life Justice of The Peace, a wonderful lady by the name of Diane Mott, lives next door to the Blueberry Hill Inn. She and I had met a few months earlier. I hung up the phone and walked forty paces down the dirt road to her place, a simple little farmhouse dwarfed by wild rosebushes, and knocked on her door. I explained the problem to her and told her that TC and I had planned an activity for friends who were coming from out of town on Friday morning, a "Bride Ride", and had rented a bunch of bikes and would be cycling right past her yard. I asked if we could stop and tie the knot on our way to Silver Lake, thinking that we would do so in our bike shorts and then be on our merry way. I did not imagine it being anything more than a legality, really. She loved the idea, and loved the fact that it was surprise. I had said goodbye and was walking back down the driveway congratulating myself on having proved my bridesmaids wrong with such simple, sane, problem solving / wedding planning when I saw the big red barn, its wagon-width doors partway open. I turned back to look at Diane, who was still on her front porch. "What do you keep in there?" I asked, pointing at what looked like a dozen or so full skirts and petticoats poking out from under a dusty tarp. "Oh, I store and manage all of the costumes for every theater company in the state."
Really?
I called TC, who was still in New York, and ran my new plan past him. We agreed that unless we wanted to plan a second wedding (which we really, really, didn't) that we would stick to just one rule. We would invite everyone who planned to be in town by Friday morning on the bike ride but not tell any of them what was actually going to happen. Whoever showed up... showed up. We would get everyone dressed up and get married on the front lawn. TC and his groomsmen (every man who showed up for the ride, actually) dressed in powder blue polyester tuxedos with white ruffled shirts. My girls wore floor length mint green gowns with big gauzy mutton sleeves. They got to pick their own hats.
I found the exact dress - gunne sax, of course -that I would have chosen for my wedding gown had I gotten married in the eighth grade, and somehow it fit me more perfectly than the custom gown I would wear the following day. We all dressed in the big musty cavernous barn, the girls on one end and the guys on the other. I asked my good friend Tim, TC's brother and the person responsible for getting us together in the first place, to meet me at the barn door and walk me down the aisle. TC's father wore a big rainbow wig, his mother wore a very stunned look on her face and a hat that screamed Hello Dolly. My dear, dear friend Mike played his tiny tiny guitar beautifully with his brand new baby strapped to his chest. The other infant at the party wore a giant tutu, and I was planning to carry her down the aisle for lack of a bouquet until Diane appeared with a seriously stunning bunch of roses, cut from the hedges in front of her little house just minutes before. They were perhaps the prettiest bunch of flowers I had ever seen. This was the first moment that what had so far seemed to be an impromptu costume party to being... wait for it... my wedding.
Diane started to cry during the ceremony. She was great. Afterwards we passed around red plastic keg cups filled partway with champagne. It was almost perfect, and had taken literally ten minutes to plan.
Thats not to say it wasn't lacking in a few spots. TCs sister and oldest brother (his best man) weren't there, nor was virtually anyone from my family other than my sister. There was no food, unless you count the five chocolate chip cookies that Kristy ran back to the kitchen for before we got back on our bikes. I can't say that it was a completely stress-free wedding, because we were right there on the side of the road in full dress and I was seriously worried that a wedding guest - my mother, to be specific - would drive by in the middle of the event. I imagined her coming to a screaming halt and putting her car in reverse, then staring at us from the window of her car. "Heather?" she would have said "What the **** is going ON? You said SATURDAY!"
So, as wedding season approaches, keep Blueberry Hill and its extremely resourceful neighbors in mind. Especially Diane. She is a true, true gem. Not only did she lend her home and her costumes for the event, but she performed a completely heartfelt ceremony in front of some pretty ridiculous outfits, and did it with a lot of style.
Reader Comments (30)
I think this is the best wedding story I've ever heard. I love its simplicity and silliness.
I am so in love with your weekend sewing book. I have made just about every.single.thing. in it!!! ALTHOUGH, I haven't made the button up dress yet as I am "busty" and scared of buttons, they have been a no-no for a long time.
Just wanted to say a Happy Anniversary and what a cool flipping story!! I am in awe. It sounds like something from a movie. Very cool.
so, after you finish your children;s book series, i am thinking we need a sohrt stories collection of your life. or maybe you will have to start waaay back with your grandma's. all of your stories are so hear felt and refreshing and just plain awesome. or maybe you can just keep writing them here. but i vote for the book, it would be perfect on the bedside night stand.
I think that is a great story! And the pictures are hilarious. I think the one I like the best is the last one. The man on the left has a baby who is clearly not installed in its baby carrier properly. It makes me giggle thinking about what that baby was thinking at the time!
Don't you just love happy endings? This has the makings of a bridal fairy tale!
Best wishes for renewed happiness every year.
I love this story. And who didn't love gunne sax in the 8th grade? I mean, come on! Happy anniversary Heather!
Once again you have me simultaneously teary-eyed and laughing. And madly in love.
I really need to learn not to read these when I'm at work... yeesh.
brilliant!
the tutu-baby bouquet sounds wonderfu, but the impromptu roses are perfect. my husband actually made my bouquet (he is not a flowery guy) from roses purchased at a local grocery store on the morning we eloped.
there were plenty of people who probably wanted to scream what the ****, but given that most of our families are border-line fundamentalists, they could not say that.
i was about to cry over your wedding story until i got the mental picture of (the chance) of your mom driving by. now i'm laughing my a** off.
Yeah. Best wedding story ever. I hope you'll re-enact it for us next month. I love a good story teller.
Wait til I tell Mom that we didn't actually see you get married--but that instead, we were at the sham *second* wedding. Boy, will she be mad!
Oh gawd, DONT SAY A THING!
This is awesome! I've never wanted to get married, but if I ever did i'd like to think it could be done with this much class and humour. You made me tear up and giggle at the same time.
I'm still pissed about not getting pancakes. And then off on a mountain bike ride where I thought there would be lunch. No.
I think I'm still hungry.
Mike
P.S. My children still survive, bad wrap jobs and mountain bike accidents be dammed!
absofreakinlutely the best wedding plan ever!
I loved this - and then your husband's, sister's and friend's comments were hilarious! You truly are an incredible storyteller and an amazing artist. Keep at it!!
Heather-if you ever decide to give up on Art & fabric design & all the things you do (horrors-please don't), I think you definitely could find a career in writing! I truly enjoy your "stories" and find it hard to believe that you have so much in "non-fiction".DianeY
I think that you just became my hero- that is a seriously good (and hilarious) story and an even better idea.
This is the most amazing wedding story I've ever encountered. It's silly, beautiful and romantic. . .what more could a bride ask for. Wow, how very cool! Enjoy your anniversary and the 4th.
I have to agree with all the comments above this one. I loved reading your beautiful and silly wedding story. Thanks so much for sharing it with us.
Happy Anniversary and Happy July the 4th :)
Amazing story!!!!Happy anniversary and 4th of July, as well:)
Wow! This is so awesome and creative and just...wonderful. Thank you for sharing! Your blog never fails to delight me.
your kids are going to love this story.
That last photo of you raising your plastic cup is just about wedding perfection!
Happy Anniversary, after reading exactly 1 post of yours (I plan to scour the site and read the rest) I predict many more years of married bliss because your priorities are in the right place!
Cheers,
Tracey
wonderful! what a perfect day
that just may be the most perfect wedding story ever!
This is a fabulous wedding! And I wore a Gunny Sax for my 8th grade graduation!