Last year a good friend of mine asked me if I would donate a custom holiday card design to her daughter's school auction. She is on my christmas card list and thought that my goofy illustrations of my family (my 2009 card is above, but in this case my illustrations would be of somebody elses family, of course) might appeal to some of her fellow moms. This is a strange thing about New York City private schools: they charge a bazillion dollars in tuition and then ask their parents to step in and raise money for all the silly little extras like text books and chairs.
Any-whooz, I couldn't do it last year because I was swamped, and promised to do it THIS year, and then promptly forgot. My friend is too classy a person to apply any pressure directly, so I continued to forget, until last week. In a move that was absolutely brilliant, she had her little girl, A. email me. I am pretty sure that A. finally got that long requested personal email account solely for this purpose. If you've never gotten an email from an eight year old who you have somehow disappointed I would strongly suggest doing whatever it takes to avoid it. Its pretty awful. I won't print the whole thing here because A) it was meant to be private and B) it's far too humiliating, but I will share with you a particularly poignant excerpt:
"...so its okay that you didn't put anything in the auction because nobody in my class knows about you anyway so it probably wouldn't win very much money so don't feel bad that you forgot..."
Excuse me while I remove the small knife from my stomach, please.
So now I am in major make-up mode. Not only am I offering a "custom family portrait holiday card design", but I'm auctioning it on Ebay. This is necessary because A) Its too late to put it in the auction, and B) as A. pointed out, nobody at tending the auction except her knows who the $%#! I am anyway. You can find the whole listing here. I'll work with the winning bidder to illustrate and design a holiday card with their family portrait, including pets, under the bed monsters, nosy neighbors and imaginary friends. Package includes 100 printed cards plus one signed original suitable for framing. If you aren't the holiday card type but would love a little family portrait we can figure something else out, I'm sure.
update: A. would like my readers to know that she is, in fact, 9.25 years of age.